Run! Hide! The Commercials Are Coming!

This kid didn't need explosions to sell hot dogs.

I love football season, a fact that is no secret to anyone who knows me.  But along with football season comes a football frustration: the cover-your-eyes, hide-the-children commercials we must endure when our favorite team plays.  Read my latest column on the newspaper's website, click here for the printable version, or just keep right on reading...

We’re a sports family, and football is king of the family’s sports universe.  Now that the NFL season has started, my kids’ eyes and ears runneth over their weekly quota of physical violence, alcohol, vulgarity and sex.

But the violence isn’t from linebackers who flatten running backs, the vulgarity isn’t from inebriated football fans, and the sex isn’t from scantily-clad cheerleaders.

It’s the commercials.

Children are responsible for a sizable portion of the NFL’s profits.  Look at all the kids wearing jerseys and hats on local playgrounds.  Network cameras find plenty of cute kids sitting in $100 seats drinking $6.00 sodas.

So why does the NFL allow its advertisers to bombard its youngest fans with images that make their parents cringe?  A football game might feature touchdown after touchdown, but even a 45 to 38 shootout isn’t as offensive as many of the commercials.

I thought maybe I was just being hypersensitive due to the 8- and 11-year-old eyes sharing my couch, so I conducted a completely unscientific experiment.  I kept tally marks on a sheet of notebook paper during an NFL game and counted all the violence, alcohol, general rudeness, and sexual content in the commercials.

There were five gunshots, although perhaps machine guns should count more than one.  There were 11 physical attacks and three fiery explosions, each of which included flying bodies.

I counted only one dead body, however, considering the way explosions work, some of those flying bodies may have qualified.

There were 10 kisses, some romantic, some mere pecks, some included with the four shots of people in bed together, and several combined with the 10 shots of people naked, nearly naked, or getting naked.

I counted only three insults.  Then again, I didn’t count political ads.

Nobody’s surprised at the five beer commercials.

Promotional spots for TV shows are by far the worst, seemingly pulling out the five most squirm-worthy moments from an upcoming episode and packing them into 15 seconds. 

Did I mention I only kept track for one quarter of the game?  Fifteen minutes on the game clock, forty-five minutes real time.

I don’t want to brag, but like most men, I can run a remote like a teenager texts.  Used to annoy my wife, let me tell you.  Now my clicking thumb is the Sunday afternoon MVP, taking us from one football game to another whenever the on field action breaks for a TV timeout.

With all the commercials, some sixty-minute football games are approaching four hours.  And if commercials have taught us anything, we know how important it is to seek immediate medical attention when certain things last longer than four hours.

Monday morning during breakfast the girl said something mischievous, and I jokingly shook my fork at her, a four-pronged, stainless steel law finger.  “Geez, Dad,” she said.  “Watching all those violent commercials must have had an effect on you.”

“Maybe,” I said, “but if commercials made me a violent fork shaker, how come nobody’s running around the house without any clothes on?”

Without hesitation, my wife added, “Don’t look at me.”

See?  Another MVP vote for the remote control clicking thumb.

Cat the Cat Who Is THAT? (series) by Mo Willems

In the trailer for the upcoming (I think it’s still upcoming, anyway) children’s literature documentary Library of the Early Mind, author Mo Willems says, “One of the great ironies of my life is that I write … I am a writer for … illiterates.”

What an amazing thought, and what a challenge!  The thought had never occurred to me that some children’s authors write for an audience that can’t read.  Adding to the challenge is that not only must the book be engaging to nonreaders, the book must also engage the readers needed to read the story to the nonreaders.  (And my challenge, apparently, is making coherent statements.)

Cat the Cat Who Is THAT? and the subsequent books in the Cat the Cat series do a wonderful job of engaging both nonreaders and their grown-up readers alike.  In the first book, readers are introduced to Cat the Cat and her friends, Mouse the Mouse, Fish the Fish, and Duck the Duck.  The main text is simple (“Cat the Cat, who is that?  It’s Mouse the Mouse.”), but also included are not-so-simple speech bubble greetings (“Hey, dude!” and “A pleasure, as always!”).

After meeting many of Cat the Cat’s friends, someone new is introduced.  “Cat the Cat, who is THAT?”

“Eep!  I have NO idea!” replies Cat the Cat.

“Blarggie!  Blarggie!” says the new character.

Each book follows the same pattern of predictable text and surprise ending.  In Let’s Say HI to Friends Who FLY!, Cat the Cat meets Bee the Bee, Bird the Bird, Bat the Bat, and … Rhino the Rhino?  In What’s Your Sound Hound the Hound?, there are friends who say Woof! and Peep! and Moo!  But what happens when Cat the Cat asks, “What’s your sound, Bunny the Bunny?”

Mo Willems may write for illiterates, but they won’t be illiterate long if their parents and teachers read aloud books like his Cat the Cat series.  Joy and giggles are powerful motivators, and Mo Willems excels in creating books that abound with joy and giggles.  Nonreaders will clearly learn how fun reading can be!

And just because I mentioned it above, here's the trailer for Library of the Early Mind.

When Education, Technology, and Personal Blogs Cross

At the crossroads of education, technology, and personal websites, you sometimes find things like accidental blog posts.  So as I demonstrated how to use an iPod to publish a new blog post to an eager fifth grader, my itchy trigger finger apparently pushed the PUBLISH POST button rather than the Return to list of posts link. 

Whoops.

So if you received an email or feed update that said something about publishing blog posts with an iPod, ignore it.  It was nothing more than an instructional mini-lesson that ended with a fifth grader pointing and laughing at me.

And deservedly so.

Forgive Me If I'm a Little Sleepy

Take eight children.  Place children together in a living room, bedroom, or basement containing a television and DVD player.  Provide fridge stocked with soda and cupboard filled with cookies, tortilla chips, and cheese balls.  Add generous portions of loud and silly.  Remove as much sleep as possible.  Simmer overnight.

There are variations, of course.  Try adding pizza instead of chips.  Let the kids run loose in the backyard before sending them to the basement.  Random appearances by younger siblings add the unexpected, and a flashlight in every hand adds sparkle.

No matter the variation, the childhood sleepover is either the greatest childhood event since Christmas morning or the bane of parental existence.  It just depends on your perspective.  My perspective is the mid-thirties, eight-hours-of-required-sleep, low-tolerance-for-sugar-high-sleep-deprived-tweens variety.

In other words I don’t much like sleepovers.

How do you keep everyone occupied?  A movie?  If attendees can agree to one, there’s ninety minutes covered, and finding consensus may take an additional forty-five, but is the debate worth it?

“That’s a baby movie.  My first grade brother watches that.”

“I’ve seen it already.”

“Is that PG-13? ‘Cause if it’s PG-13, I’m not allowed to watch.”

Maybe thirty minutes of entertainment can be found on one of 500 available TV channels.  There has to be an episode of iCarly everyone hasn’t seen yet.  Then again, allowing the television as an unsupervised activity, especially late-night, creates the possibility of uncomfortable breakfast conversations.

“What’s a bidet?”

“Excuse me?”

“What’s a bidet?”

“Um, we’re eating breakfast here.  Maybe we could … wait.  Why are you asking?”

“We were watching, like, Extreme Bathroom Makeover or something last night and they installed one and, well, what is it?”

Thankfully we didn’t spring for the extra movie channels, and we enabled password protection on shows TV-PG and higher.

And for the record, I’d argue that bidets should not slip through the gaps in TV-PG.

Recently the sleepover debate once again graced the dinner conversation.  I let my wife take the point, and I thought she handled it well.  Her arguments held water, her reasons were logically presented, and none of that mattered.

“When I’m grown up, I’m going to allow my daughter to have a sleepover, and I’m going to invite all the moms over.  That’s the only way I’ll ever get to have MY friends overnight.”

“What a great idea.  We’ll invite the girls’ parents.  It’ll be a family sleepover.”

“Mom!  You wouldn’t!”

“But you just suggested it.”

“No, I didn’t!  What I was saying was … ugghhh!  You just don’t understand!”

Add that to the list of things Mom and Dad simply can’t comprehend.

Furthermore, sleepovers aren’t free, and I don’t mean financially.  Over the next forty-eight hours parents must pay the consequences.  Lack of sleep enhances the pre-teen personality.  Fuses are shorter, mood swings more severe, and the truth more blunt.  “Sleepovers are way cooler at so-and-so’s house.  Her mom …”

Look, my kids have great friends.  They’re wonderful kids, and I love them all.  I really do.  But when they wake me up at 3:00 am …

Oh, all right, I still love them.  But really, three o’clock in the morning?

Thanks for reading my latest -- yaaaawwwn -- newspaper column.  Click here for the original version or here for the printable version.  

Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins

For as much as I liked The Hunger Games and Catching Fire, I’m unsure if I can say the same about Mockingjay.  Instead of immediately feeling like I’ve read an instant classic, more than anything it leaves me wondering.  I wonder if I liked it.  I wonder if there’s too much violence, hate, revenge, and death.  I wonder if there’s too little love, trust, and forgiveness.

I wonder if I can recommend it.

But wait, I get ahead of myself.

In the first two books, Katniss has survived the Hunger Games and the uprisings in districts around the country that threaten the Capitol of Panem, uprisings touched off partly due to her actions.  To be sure, tensions have been high without Katniss, but now she has become “the Mockingjay,” a symbol of the rebellion that the citizens of Panem can rally around.

The Hunger Games is a book about survival.  Catching Fire is also about survival but with the added undercurrent of political unrest.  Mockingjay is all about that unrest.  Uprisings are occurring in all twelve districts, and war is being fought outright.  The battle for the country between the rebellion, led by survivors in District 13, and the Capitol has begun.  It is ruthless, violent, and matches what readers should expect in the world imagined by author Suzanne Collins.

It’s hard reviewing the third book of a trilogy without revealing key events in the other two, so I won't summarize much at all.  I will say that the action scenes are as intense as ever and vividly described.  Even more than in the other books, Katniss - and readers - emotionally deal with questions of what is right, who to trust, and how to act.

Yes, I do recommend Mockingjay, though not as enthusiastically as the other books in the trilogy.  My concern is that some young readers who successfully read the first two may be surprised by Mockingjay’s tension, death, violence and war.

But that’s so difficult to say!  How could readers (how could I?) not expect a war in Panem to be exactly what Collins describes?  If we accept a world where children are sent off to battle to the death at the command of the Capitol, we must accept - and expect - the way the war plays out.  I’m honestly not sure if I’m more bothered by the events of the novel or that I somehow didn’t expect it.  Not that I imagined everything to end happily ever after, but I admit I was naively ill-prepared for the grave events of the trilogy’s conclusion.

The conclusion no doubt wraps up everything in need of wrapping from the first two novels.  Every reader wonders what happens next when finishing a book, of course, but authors can’t continue a story forever.  Readers need to draw their own optimistic or pessimistic conclusions as they see fit.

In this case I’m going with optimistic.

Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins

The Hunger Games is one of a handful of books from recent years that I would immediately identify as one of my favorites.  Catching Fire continues Suzanne Collins' amazing story, and Mockingjay, released today, brings the series to its conclusion.

So we’ll post this review, grab a copy of Mockingjay, and hide out far away from the Internet and all its nasty spoilers.  (If you need me, I’ll be in the basement.)

After surviving the 74^th Annual Hunger Games, Katniss Everdeen is beginning to settle into life back in District Twelve.  She now lives with her mother and sister in the Victor’s Village with District Twelve’s previous survivors of the Hunger Games. (It's a small neighborhood.) But Katniss dreads the upcoming Victory Tour where she must travel - or be paraded by the Capital - to the other eleven districts.

Before she leaves, and adding to her dismay, Katniss receives a visit from President Snow himself.  The president delivers news of potential uprisings in other districts along with several thinly veiled threats.  Unintentionally, it appears the way Katniss survived the Hunger Games has given people across the districts … let's see ... what could it be … hope?  Now she’s instructed to do whatever necessary to stop it.

And just in case she’s unable to slow this new hope, this hope that’s catching fire across Panem, the Capital has a few surprises prepared for Katniss, her friends and family, and the previous Hunger Games victors.  The 75^th Hunger Games is quickly approaching, and every twenty-five years the Capital holds a Quarter Quell.  The 25^th anniversary declared that each district was to hold an election to choose their tributes.  In other words each district was ordered to select the children likely to die.  The 50^th anniversary declared that each district was to send twice as many tributes, two male and two female each.

What does the Capital have in store for the 75^th anniversary?  Might it include Katniss, the girl responsible for the unrest throughout Panem?  Might the Capital want to send a message to Katniss and the nation reminding them of the Capital’s authority?

Of course they do.  The Capital will do anything - they established the Hunger Games, didn’t they? - to repeat their message to Panem: “We are in control.”

But are they?

The True Meaning of Smekday by Adam Rex

I read The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy years ago.  Okay, in truth, it was actually years and years ago.  (A significant difference.)  But reading The True Meaning of Smekday brought back visions of “several dozen huge yellow chunky slablike somethings, huge as office blocks, silent as birds” sailing over Earth.

No, in Smekday the Earth is not destroyed to make room for a hyperspace bypass, but nevertheless the appearance of the Boov over the Earth, some in “ships the size of Rhode Island” appearing over major cities of the world from New York to London to Moscow, reminded me of Douglas Adams’ classic.  Even if the Boov ships look like jellyfish.

Gratuity Tucci, known to her friends as Tip, explains the Boov’s intentions.

1. They believe Earth is rightfully theirs because they discovered it. 
2. Colonizing new worlds is their destiny.
3. They were sorry for the inconvenience, but humans will surely assimilate into Boov society.
4. Disagree and your leaders will meet messy ends.

Tip was concerned ever since her mother’s night time abduction.  Soon her mother is taken by the Boov permanently.  When the Boov realize the humans won’t just give in, Captain Smek himself appears on TV and orders the “Noble Savages of Earth” to move to “Human Preserves.”  Americans get Florida.  Eleven-and-a-half-year-old Tip decides to drive rather than take the rocketpods provided by the Boov.

Tip, her cat named Pig, and the car end up in a hole in the highway - Boov created, of course, to persuade humans to take the rocketpods.  A Boov who calls himself J.Lo and claiming to be Chief Maintenance Officer Boov, discovers them and offers to fix their car.  It’s an odd offer, but Tip soon learns that J.Lo himself is trying to keep other Boov from finding him.

Their journey to Florida, and eventually Arizona, takes them to places like Roswell, New Mexico (appropriate, don’t you think?) and the Happy Mouse Kingdom, where my favorite attraction is the cigarette trees around the Big Rock Candy Mountain, not because of any personal tobacco preference, but because of this:



There’s plenty more to cover, including what happens in Arizona, the Gorg, incidents and residents in Roswell, allergies, plenty of explosions, and a wonderfully satisfying conclusion, but I’ve already strayed to a video from Oh Brother Where Art Thou, so we’d better just wrap it up and call it good.

Middle graders and above will appreciate The True Meaning of Smekday.  Girls will like the female protagonist who’s unafraid to travel across the country or to look a Gorg in the eye, and boys will like the action and explosions and the whole take-over-the-Earth thing.  Teachers will like it because Adam Rex has given them another book that can be added to the shelf that won’t spend much time there.

What I Learned at Wrigley Field

www.customsigngenerator.com

Vacations are generally for rest and relaxation and the opportunity to enjoy different activities in different parts of the world.  But whether intentional or not, there's always something to be learned on vacation.

So, what did you learn during your summer vacation?  My kids learned a lesson or two on Chicago's north side this summer.  Here's my latest newspaper column.  (Here's the original column and the printable version as well.)


School is quickly approaching, and as a favor to my kids – I hope their teachers aren’t reading this – I thought I’d give them a leg up on that traditional back-to-school paragraph.

So here you are kiddos, cut and paste.

What I Learned This Summer by Meg and/or Ethan

This summer my parents took me to Chicago.  We did the normal stuff like shop downtown, eat at cool restaurants and go to the Museum of Science and Industry, but by far the most educational experience was going to a baseball game at Wrigley Field.

Just getting to the game took lots of learning.  First of all you don’t drive to the game, you take the Red Line north to Addison.  (That’s the "L" or "EL," which is short for “Elevated Train,” even though downtown it’s a subway.  Go figure.)

I didn’t think taking a train would work because, like, where do you put the tables and chairs and coolers and stuff?  I’ve been to a Brewers game or two, you know?  Then I learned you don’t tailgate at Wrigley.  Really, I’m serious.  No tailgating.

Instead of parking lots, a neighborhood surrounds the stadium.  There are apartment buildings across the street from the outfield.  Home runs can - boink! - hit someone’s front porch.

And get this.  There are bleachers on the apartment buildings.  So, like, you could say, “Hey wanna play catch in the yard?” and your buddy could say back, “Nah.  Let’s go on the roof and watch the Cubs.”  Then my dad said you still have to pay a bunch of money to sit up there, so what the heck?  Might as well buy tickets.

Wrigley Field is old, but Chicago loves that place like it’s a church or something.  I did some research and learned that Wrigley Field was built before the following things were invented: TV, bubble gum, ballpoint pens, Monopoly, and dirt.  (Ha ha)

Some Cubs fans’ vocabulary is colorful.  (That’s the word my dad used – colorful.)  I didn’t hear any colors, but I did hear things like “Blankety-blank Brewers fans!”  When we were there, the Brewers won 18 to 1, so I even heard Cubs fans use “blankety-blank” followed by the names of Cubs players.

No, “blankey-blank” is not a compliment.

There was this guy sitting next to my dad, and he said it looked like Abe Frohman, sausage king of Chicago.  So I thought I’d meet someone famous or something and I was bugging my dad to introduce me until Dad told me to be quiet before he got snooty.  Or snotty.  Whatever.  He’s the one who brought it up.

Finally, after the Cubs lose again and you’re leaving the game, hold tight on to Mom or Dad’s hand.  That’s important.  There’s a bajillion people leaving the park, and they’re all headed to the L.  That’s a river of people, and you don’t want to float away from your parents.

I did a lot and learned a lot this summer, but there ain’t no education like the one I got at 1060 West Addison.

That’s Wrigley Field.

Leviathan by Scott Westerfeld

An alternate history.  A possible future.  Regardless of how you look at Leviathan by Scott Westerfeld, the conclusion is this: Whoa, cool book!

Let’s take a look at all three:

An alternate history – In 1914 Archduke Franz Ferdinand and his wife were assassinated.  Their deaths, coupled with other circumstances in Europe, brought about the beginning of World War I.  Instead of three children, Leviathan gives Franz Ferdinand and his wife only one son, Aleksandar.  Whisked away in the night after his parents’ deaths, Alek dodges the pursuing Germans in an attempt to reach neutral Switzerland.

A possible future – Alek escapes in a Cyclop Stormwalker, a two-legged machine created by Austro-Hungarians and Germans.  Clankers, as they are known, have created all kinds of machinery including aeroplanes and fortified walkers, one an eight-legged, thousand ton frigate called the Herkules. 

Deryn Sharp, called Dylan, works for the British Empire who, allied with France, are called Darwinists.  They have harnessed and mixed different creatures’ DNA to create new “beasties” designed for specific roles.  Bats that fire ammunition, bees that provide food, and a whale that flies thanks to hydrogen filled sacs like jellyfish.  (Or something like that.)  This creation is Leviathan. 

Whoa, cool book! – From Alek’s late night escape (Is it a kidnapping?  A daring escape?) to Deryn Sharp’s transformation from fifteen-year-old girl to a sixteen year old boy enlisted in the British Service named Dylan Sharp, Leviathan is a fast paced adventure on two fronts.  Readers follow Alek’s dash for the Switzerland border, his crew’s thievery of necessities, and Alek’s own mistakes that nearly give him away as the son of the assassinated Archduke.  At the same time readers read about Deryn/Dylan’s enlistment, how she nearly sailed solo across the English Channel on her first day, and came to be a valued middy on the Leviathan. 

Eventually Alek and Deryn’s paths cross.  Just as Alek and his companions think they’ve reached safety from the war, the war comes to them.  Darwinists and Clankers are all around, each thinking their creations are superior and neither trusting the other.  Even more important is that Alek and Deryn must trust each other in order to survive and escape.

There’s a lot of reading here, and as the end of the book got closer, the end of the war got further and further away.  This bugs the heck out of me – thinking that a story simply cannot reach its resolution in the pages that are left while I’m still reading.  Turns out I didn’t know that Leviathan is the first book in a trilogy – Whoa, cool trilogy! – with Behemoth coming out in October 2010 and Goliath in October 2011.

Two Boys at the Bat

The outlook wasn’t brilliant for the Vesper Two that day.

The score stood eight to one, with but one inning left to play.

The old man’s pitches jumped and dove and drifted through the zone

And left the boys no chance to get the tying runs to home.

Still, eight-year-olds are vessels where hope quickly comes to nest

And hope can grow to certainty within the human breast.

“It’s Wiffle Ball,” they said and thought, “There’s no doubt we can score.”

The mound, though, held their elder who was set to slam the door.

His fast ball was a pitch no normal eight-year-old could see,

His breaking ball broke right or left, two feet, yea, even three.

Two boys came up, two boys went down, two boys without one hit.

But when one out remains, the door lies open just a bit.

For then the crack of plastic ball upon a plastic bat

Propelled the sphere a-hurlin’ past the maple, meaning that

The old man’s Son had smacked a timely, rally starting double.

That well-timed two-base hit foretold the man’s impending trouble.

Then Neighbor Boy let rip a shot that severed off some leaves,

A frozen rope unhindered by the stiffly blowing breeze.

An added single punched to left by handsome, eldest Son

Resounded off the porch and cut their deficit by one.

The man then muffed a pop-up. Yes!  A gaffe he could not fix

Nor could he blame it solely on the Wiffle’s aerobatics.

Imaginary runners filled imaginary bases.

A blind man could have seen the joy displayed on both boys’ faces.

The old man, once so self-assured, now was clearly shaken

Due to chances lost and opportunities not taken.

“Momentum must be changed to get my one-man-team on track!”

His Son was up.  What did he do?  He plunked him in the back.

The Neighbor Boy cried, “Charge the mound!” His fists displayed his form.

His words were meant to trigger the potential building storm.

But tranquil tempers held; the Son refused to take the bait,

With courage, grit, and fortitude, he squared up to the plate.

“This kid is tough,” the old man thought, “I’m proud to be his dad,

“When they go down to grim defeat, I may feel slightly sad.”

His sympathetic ramblings, though, evaporated when

His son, a backyard legend born, let loose a hit again.

Then Neighbor Boy, that rotten kid, (this once I must opine)

Stepped up to bat and promptly sent a screamer down the line

That added one more run, another came without delay

When Son’s base hit allowed the boys to live another day.

The stage was set for Neighbor Boy to end this backyard contest,

And hit a shot that would cap off this epic comeback conquest.

A fastball came, and most would think ‘twas from a cannon shot.

The Neighbor Boy was many things, but Casey he was not.

The shot rang out and echoed through the neighborhood that day,

A blast to let all comers know these boys were here to stay.

That Wiffle Ball sailed ‘cross the yard, majestically divine,

Until it came to rest beyond the distant, planted pine.

The comeback one boy did begin, ‘twas finished by the other!

“One more at bat is all I need.  I wish I had another.”

His chance would come, he knew, as if told by some distant drummer

Of multiple rematches stretched throughout the rest of summer.

I had much more fun writing this than experiencing the events it documents.  Ah, who am I kidding?  I'd lose in walk-off fashion to my eight-year-old and the rest of the neighborhood kids every day if given the chance.

Thanks for reading.

UPDATE:  Two Boys at the Bat was included in the August EXCURSIONS Journey To Health Wiffle Ball Newsletter.  To go along with the newsletter, I posted a photo tour of The Flower Garden, our backyard Wiffle Ball field where the story took place, as well as a reader challenge on Help Readers Too.

The Wonder Book by Amy Krouse Rosenthal

Just past the title page of Amy Krouse Rosenthal’s latest book, readers see “10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 … Wonder Book” and get a glimpse of the creativity in the following pages. The Wonder Book is made up of a healthy dose of poetry, a dash of lists, a pinch of puns, the occasional story, all boldly seasoned with Paul Schmid’s illustrations.

The Wonder Book's humor, childhood wonderings, and simple black and white illustrations are reminiscent of Shel Silverstein’s work, but not in a “Boy-I-Think-I’ve-Read-This-All-Before” sort of way. It’s got more of a “This-Is-Great-New-Stuff-That-Reminds-Me-Why-I-Love-Where-The-Sidewalk-Ends-So-Much” sort of feel to it.

There’s parodies of famous verses, from “Tinkle, Tinkle, In the sea” to “Mary had a little lamp” to the story of five little piggies, my favorite of which “was a toast thief.”

There’s lists of “What you can’t run with” (including sharp pointy things and twin porcupines) and “What you can run with” (which naturally include a bag of marshmallows and a really small baby giraffe).  Adding further clarification, there’s “What grows on trees” (acorns, tree houses, the most important part of apple pie) and “What doesn’t grow on trees” (money, mittens, sausage).

Readers meet "Prince sdrawkcaB", whose poem begins at the bottom of the page with “Once upon a time” and ends at the top with “And to that we say, bye-good, The End.”

Readers also take a trip to “Brat City.”  (And being from Wisconsin, I feel it necessary to point out that Brat City is not Milwaukee.  Not in this sense, anyway.)  It’s brat, like spoiled child, not brat, like this guy:

Kids will love poems that feature kid-favorite topics.  “A Rose by Any Other Name” features something referred to as a pedo, fing, onara, and pud.  Regardless of who you are, where you are, or what language you speak, we read, “It’s just really really funny to hear a tushy squeak.”

The Wonder Book closes with “Rhyming Summary of the Universe.”  Sagely bits of advice for readers include:

“Stand up for your sibling or some picked-on first grader.”

“Go jump in a puddle, just bring extra socks.”

“Despite you best efforts, your goldfish may stop swimming.”

“64 crayons you do not really need.  To be happy with three is to be happy indeed.”

Unfortunately, one important bit of advice is not included in the final poem, so as a service, I’ll include it here.

For fun writing for children, you need no further look,

Just head out and get Amy’s The Wonder Book.

All's Well That Ends Well

What follows is a tale of communication and miscommunication, of messages both shared and forgotten, with a touch of childhood ingenuity, a not-really-lost child, panic, and hilarity.  You know, normal parenting stuff.

That's the opening paragraph of my latest column for the local newspaper.  There's a lot squeezed into those 550 words.  Most importantly, and to be abundantly clear, the following two items are absolutely not part of the story.  There are:

• No lost children.
• No hard feelings.

Here's the column: 'Forgotten' child leads to late-night tale of woe.  Here's the printable version.  And thanks for visiting Help Readers Love Reading.

Countdown by Deborah Wiles

It is Friday, October 19, 1962.  Eleven-year-old Franny wonders why her teacher skips her during read aloud time.  She wonders why Jimmy, who picks his nose at recess, gets selected to read instead of her.  She wonders which friends to join at recess after forgetting her latest Nancy Drew.

Then the air-raid siren goes off.  Her wonderings become one certainty: We are all about to die.

Countdown takes place over the next twelve days, during the Cuban Missile Crisis.  Author Deborah Wiles does a great job of showing the fear that permeated society at the time.  There’s news broadcasts and President Kennedy’s address to the nation and duck and cover drills.  The fear is heightened for Franny – and readers – because of her family’s military connections.

Along with societal fears, there are normal coming-of-age issues as well.  Why does her younger brother get her father’s attention and a promise of playing ball in the yard?  Why is her sister allowed to close her bedroom door?  Why is her best friend acting that way?  And what about that new/old boy across the street?

Countdown is billed as a “documentary novel” with nonfiction interspersed within the narrative.  Many of the nonfiction bits relate directly to the story, items like a fallout shelter handbook, news quotes, Bert the Turtle, mushroom clouds, and photos of Fidel Castro, Presidents Kennedy and Truman, and even Nancy Drew.  But some seem present only in an attempt to flesh out the time period.  There are pictures of James Bond, Cassius Clay, Sandy Koufax, and Lucy and Ricky.

I found Countdown fascinating, but I’m hesitant about how the documentary novel idea will translate to younger readers.  If I’m one of today’s 11-year-olds, I’m looking at the picture of Peter, Paul, and Mary with the words “what a wonderful world this would be” and thinking, who’re these guys?  I’d have no clue of the significance of Richard Nixon saying, “You won’t have Nixon to kick around any more” in 1963.  I’d be wondering why there’s a picture of Rocky and Bullwinkle (who?) with a news item about Kennedy and Khrushchev establishing a direct telecommunications line between Washington and Moscow.

Actually, I’m wondering about that one as it is.

It’s obvious that Deborah Wiles has put incredible amounts of time into Countdown, the first of three companion novels, and there are plenty of signs of what’s to come.  Many of the nonfiction parts reference the Civil Rights movement, a possible indication of how Franny’s older sister plans to make the world a better place.  I am amazed at the detail, the wide range of cultural references, and the novel’s uniqueness.  I recommend it, hesitantly, believing that grown-up readers of children’s literature will like it more than the children.

Funny Business edited by Jon Scieszka

In the introduction to Funny Business, the first genre-specific volume from the Guys Read Library, Jon Scieszka quotes E. B. White.  “Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process.”  So I’m not going to try to explain why this book is funny.  Funny is funny.  Trust me.

Ladies, I’m taking to you here.  It’s from the Guys Read Library.  Guys.  Read.  We don’t expect you to get it.  Yes, some of you will claim you get it, and some of you may indeed, but many of you will simply realize that the boys in your classrooms and homes get it.  And that should be enough.

You’ll nod and smile, but do you really understand the hilarity in a dropped hot dog (Best of Friends by Mac Barnett) or shrinkage (Will by Adam Rex)?  Do any of you actually eat raw hot dogs, let alone make fake nipples out of them (What? You Think You Got It Rough? by Christopher Paul Curtis)?  Ever perform self-surgery on a wart (The Bloody Souvenir by Jack Gantos)?

Do any of you think the black and white alternate cover from Adam Rex is funnier than the final cover?

Well that gives you a taste, anyway, of what’s in the book.  And it’s funny.  Ten short stories from the authors above as well as Eoin Colfer, Jeff Kinney, Kate DiCamillo, David Yoo, David Lubar, and Paul Feig, all meant to tickle a guy’s funny bone, and all successfully jamming that funny bone squarely into arm-numbing merriment.

How about we let the authors themselves give a short introduction?

New Column: It's Music To My Ears

So I like music. That's been true forever, and it's no secret to those who know me. Recently some friends and I made an agreement. Now that we are grownups (technically) and full-fledged members of the parenting fraternity (actually), the time has come to share the great music of our youth with our children.

Considering our youth spanned the mid 1980s to the early 1990s, it turned out to be more of a challenge than anticipated.

As a side note, and for the record, I could have eliminated the challenge and simply chosen a couple Toad the Wet Sprocket albums and called it good. Great band, Toad. But that was against the rules to which we'd all agreed.

Anyways, read more at Creating playlist a trip through time or here's the printable version.

Spaceheadz Book One by Jon Scieszka

When you’re the new kid in fifth grade, the last thing you want is to draw any negative sort of attention on the first day of school. So when new kid Michael K. is befriended by Spaceheadz from another planet masquerading as fifth graders on day one, his prospects ain’t good. Now consider that Bob and Jennifer, two of the disguised Spaceheadz, have learned everything they know about Earth from monitoring our TV and radio waves – and behave accordingly – and you start to recognize the direness of Michael K.’s situation.

And one more thing: The third Spaceheadz is the class hamster, Major Fluffy.

Yeah, Micheal K.’s fifth grade year is off to a memorable (forgettable?) start.

Eventually Michael K. learns that SPHDZ, despite their odd appearance and propensity to quote American TV commercials, are actually on a mission to save Earth. They may be somewhat misguided, but they are well intentioned. Part of their plan is to give Charmin to Earth persons to make them happy and want to be SPHDZ. After all, “It is ultrastrong. And it also makes bears very happy.” It’s the sort of logic you’d expect from beings who’ve learned all they know about Earth from our TV and advertisements.

“It doesn’t have anything to do with bears,” explains Michael K. “It’s toilet paper, you know?”

Ultimately, their plan involves recruiting 3.14 million and one Earth persons to create one gigantic SPHDZ Brain Wave or Earth gets turned off. Click.

Working against SPHDZ, and all alien activity, is Agent Umber and the Anti-Alien Agency. Constantly on the lookout for aliens, Agent Umber is alerted to a possible AEW (Alien Energy Wave) in his sector at coordinates D-7, which just happens to be room 501B, Brooklyn P.S. 858. Mrs. Halley’s fifth grade. Agent Umber sees his opportunity to catch a real alien, earn a promotion, and save the Earth.

I tell you about this book not because I recommend it, although I do. I do so because it is my pledged duty to BE A SPHDZ, and odd things happen when you are SPHDZ. I have promised to grow the SPHDZ network and to add my brainwaves to the 3.14 million SPHDZ G Group Brainwave needed to save the planet Earth.  I share this book with you because:

I am Automatic Shampoo-SPHDZ.BW.

Do the same. Read Jon Scieszka's Spaceheadz Book One. BE SPHDZ.

Calvin Coconut: Dog Heaven by Graham Salisbury

Calvin Coconut used to have a dog, a beagle named Chewy. That was before his dad, Little Johnny Coconut, left Hawaii and moved to Las Vegas to become the famous Little Johnny Coconut and took Chewy with him. Now Calvin is stuck with Manly Stanley, a giant centipede who actually lives at school, and Stella, who does live at Calvin’s house, but she’s a sixteen-year-old Texan allergic to cats and possibly anything else with fur.

But maybe Mr. Purdy’s lessons on persuasive writing will do the trick. The topic? What I Want So Badly I Can Taste It. Calvin’s subject? A dog. He knows he’ll never get one due to Stella’s allergies, but Ledward, Mom’s boyfriend, lends some assistance. He takes Calvin and his sister, Darci, to his place to show him his pet. Blackie. A pig.

And just how does a pig help? Well, not too much, actually, but Ledward grew up having dogs and knows a thing or two about boys and dogs. Ledward plans a secret trip for Calvin to Dog Heaven. “What’s dog heaven?” asks Darci.

“I show you. Go tell the girl you and Calvin going someplace with me,” replies Ledward.

When they arrive at the Humane Society, Calvin meets Streak. Only Streak is actually Ruby, a year-old female Border collie mix. And mom still doesn’t know anything about it, nor has she given even the slightest hint that that she might allow a dog.

Calvin explains, “I started my essay. Mr. Purdy’s one-page assignment had somehow grown four legs and a beating heart. My imaginary dog had become real. Her name was Streak, and I wanted to rescue her.

“So much I could taste it.”

Mr. Purdy’s persuasive writing lessons make an impact on Calvin, and Calvin’s writing will have an impact on readers. Calvin Coconut: Dog Heaven, in a teacher’s hands, may even have an effect on young writers. Calvin has more working for him than his writing – Ledward, mostly – but he’ll take any help he can get to prove that he should get to keep Streak.

Smile by Raina Telgemeier

I’ll be right up front: I thoroughly enjoyed Smile by Raina Telgemeier. It’s an extremely welcome addition to my ever growing collection of graphic novels. That needed to be said up front because of what comes next.

Ready? Here it comes.

Smile reminded me of wearing braces for – no lie – six years. Third grade to ninth grade, not counting the cemented retainer that lasted long after I could vote and enjoy certain frosty beverages. Smile reminded me of getting teeth pulled, wearing orthodontic headgear, shots of Novocain, “this won’t hurt a bit,” and dental surgery. Ms. Telgemeier and I share some common history.

It most certainly did NOT remind me of my days in girl scouts nor of the New Kids on the Block image on my retainer. Did. Not. Just saying.

You can see why that opening paragraph was needed now, right? Had I just started with braces and headgear and NKOTB, you’d have thought there was no way I was recommending this book. But I am. Just not necessarily for those reasons.

Smile, an autobiographical graphic novel, starts when Raina is in sixth grade. Raina is already set to get braces, but one accidental fall and subsequent face-plant later, she finds herself missing her two front teeth. What was once routine orthodontia now becomes much more serious. But while the story centers on her dental adventures, much more is going on, and I’m almost ashamed to admit that I nearly missed it.

Smile explores relationships between friends during the junior high years. What I thought was normal teasing, mostly anyway, was actually having a stronger effect on Raina than I noticed. The book is quick read, but the story goes from sixth grade into high school. I think the passage of time escaped me, and I missed Raina’s mounting frustration from years of comments.

After a final humiliating experience, one last time being the butt her friends’ jokes, Raina realizes the people she’s surrounded herself with are friends in name only. And she makes it perfectly clear to all involved. Raina’s decision is one I wish all kids had the strength to make – sooner than later.

Benny and Penny in the Toy Breaker by Geoffrey Hayes

Another seemingly perfect day for Benny and Penny is underway. They have a treasure map that leads to loot, spoons and pails for digging, and a spyglass. The day quickly takes a turn for the worse, however, with an announcement:

“Benny…Penny! Cousin Bo is here.”

Cousin Bo! Oh no! All the toys must be hidden, and fast, because Cousin Bo always breaks them. Sure enough, even though Cousin Bo’s asks, “Where are all your toys?” he finds one almost immediately. The paddleball smacks Benny in the eye, Bo gives Benny a RAZZ!, and he refuses to give the toy back. Bo only lets go when he notices the treasure map. And of course, the paddleball breaks.

Geoffrey Hayes and Toon-Books continue to create and publish excellent graphic novels for younger readers. Not only to readers read the speech bubbles, but Bo steals the map with a SNATCH!, runs through the kiddie-pool with a SPLASH!, and collides with Benny with a POOM!. Sound effects and strong expressions – Penny’s NO! and GAAAAA!! for example – enhance readers’ experience on nearly every page.

Benny and Penny’s attempts to continue their treasure hunt without Bo are unsuccessful as Bo taunts, tricks, and teases them continuously. When his antics break Penny’s beloved monkey, Benny’s reaction drives Bo away. He says he’ll find a new friend.

Instead, he finds himself stuck under the fence. Crying.

Geoffrey Hayes gets his young characters exactly right. Benny and Penny are frustrated with how Bo treats their toys. Bo just wants to play but doesn’t express his desire well. All of them are quick to jump to conclusions and tears make more than one appearance, but in the end they discover – together – that toys and maps aren’t always needed.

Sometimes you can just play, and that way nothing gets broken.

New Article About New Additions

Two moms recently added sons to their families. And that's where the similarities end.

Teri's family waited three months before learning they'd receive a new addition, followed by the standard nine additional months. Jodi's family waited 18 months for the same news, then had only two months to prepare the nursery.

People take different paths to parenthood, but children are children, and families are families, regardless of the path taken to get there. That's the subject of my latest newspaper column. (And a special thanks to Teri and Jodi for each sharing their unique stories.)

Read the column or get the printable version.

Zig and Wikki by Nadja Spiegelman and Trade Loeffler

I've become a big fan of TOON BOOKS since running into Otto's Orange Day nearly two years ago. According to their books and website, they are "bringing new readers to the pleasure of comics." They're also bringing old readers (like me) the new pleasure of comics.

Zig and Wikki are entertaining characters that will make young readers laugh and the book's bright and colorful illustrations fit the traditional TOON BOOKS' mold. The pacing fits young readers and plot elements - video games, forgotten homework, lost in space - are just the thing to get young readers' attention.

But Zig and Wikki in Something Ate My Homework gives a unique spin to comics that TOON BOOKS hasn't yet shown. In addition to an enjoyable story, author Nadja Spiegelman and illustrator Trade Loeffler weave photographs and science facts into their story, courtesy of Wikki's head (more about his head later). So what's that give us?

Graphic Novel + Nonfiction Facts = Zig and Wikki + Tons of Fun

Zig is a one-eyed, orange, tentacled young space creature who needs to complete his homework - find a pet to add to the class zoo. Wikki is walking 1950's flat screen, if such a thing existed, who tends to act before thinking out his actions. When they stumble upon Earth after Wikki gets them lost, they figure the swamp they discover would be a great place to find a class pet. A fly? A dragonfly? A frog? All would make great additions to the class zoo. If they could only catch them.

Each time they discover something new, the screen in the middle of Wikki's head turns on, offering photographs and descriptions of their new discovery, many times disgustingly awesome to young readers. Did you know flies spit on their food and then suck it back up again? Neither did Zig and Wikki until Wikki's screen told them.

The Zig and Wikki series - this interview suggest it will be a series, with Zig and Wikki possibly headed under the sea - will be an excellent way to introduce science topics to first or second graders. It's also an excellent way to introduce them to the joy of reading, especially comics.

I Bring Up This Topic...

My latest column for the local newspaper tests the theory that all parents share certain, specific experiences, regardless of when or where they were parents. Today's topic?

Throwing up.

And I'd love to extend that theory beyond the informal questioning conducted at a recent school gathering. (Those little nuggets make up the bulk of the article.) So I hereby open up the floor to ... well, everyone. Anyone got a good story to toss out there? After reading the column, consider sharing your experiences. I'd love to hear them. Leave a comment here or over at the Daily Tribune. Thanks.

Here's the column: COLUMN: Parents recount tales of untimely regurgitation or here's the printable version.

Finally, I couldn't resist this little excerpt from Jon Scieszka's Knucklehead. "Stick with your brothers. Stick up for your brothers. And if you ever drop a pecan nut log in a car with your five brothers and the cat . . . you will probably stick to your brothers."

Thanks for visiting Help Readers Love Reading!

Pearl and Wagner: One Funny Day by Kate McMullan

No matter what day it is, waking up late because you don’t hear your alarm clock is a lousy way for a day to begin. When that day is April Fools’ Day, however, as happens to Wagner in One Funny Day, he is immediately thrown off guard. So when good friend Pearl informs Wagner that their teacher, Ms. Star, is roller-skating around the classroom, he says, “She is?” Everyone starts laughing, and Pearl informs him, “Today is April Fools’ Day. And I fooled you.”

“Oh,” says Wagner, but he’s certainly not laughing.

Wagner panics when Ms. Star tells the class to turn in their homework. He freaks when the librarian, Mr. Fox, notifies him his library book is overdue and he must pay a fine. He loses his appetite when the lunch menu lists fisheye stew, french fried flies, applecore pie, and bug juice.

“April Fools!” everyone cries – even the responsible adults!

After a gym class of dancing and a glass of real bug juice from his froggy friend, Henry, Wagner is definitely having a day, but it’s not a funny day as the title implies.

Readers will be thinking, “Poor Wagner!” when he suddenly becomes ill in chapter three. What’s worse than being sent to the school nurse during silent reading time?!? When he returns to class covered in green spots, he announces his diagnosis from the school nurse: bug pox, and a bad case of it at that. It’s only contagious if he … ah-ah-ah-CHOO! … sneezes.

For as bad as Wagner’s day begins, he ends the day laughing harder than anyone else, and no, uncontrolled delirium is not a symptom of bug pox.

I was not familiar with the Pearl and Wagner series until Kate McMullan was awarded a 2010 Geisel Honor. After reading One Funny Day, beginning readers (and you) will be looking for Two Good Friends and Three Secrets and more adventures from these two good friends.

I Spy Fly Guy! by Tedd Arnold

Tedd Arnold adds to his excellent Fly Guy series with I Spy Fly Guy!, winner of a 2010 Geisel Honor for beginning readers. This time Buzz and his gifted pet, Fly Guy, a pet who can say his owner’s name, are back for a game of hide-and-seek.

Buzz is it first. Fly Guy hides in the garbage can. That’s where he always hides. After all, he enjoys a delicious snack while he waits for Buzz to find him. Later, when Buzz shuts himself in the garden shed, Fly Guy finds a way inside. “BUZZ!” he calls.

When Buzz is it a second time, Fly Guy heads to the garbage can. Before Buzz can find him, the garbage man comes! He empties the can into the back of the truck and takes the garbage – and Fly Guy – to the town dump. Buzz catches his dad before he leaves for work, and they race to follow the garbage man.

“Fly Guy, where are you? Fly Guy, answer me!” calls Buzz in the town dump. A zillion flies all answer at the same time.

“BUZZZZZZZZZ!”

How will Buzz find Fly Guy when there are a zillion flies, and all of them are able to say his name? Twice he thinks he finds Fly Guy, but instead of getting back his pet, Buzz gets boinked on the nose and bit on the hand! Only when Buzz remembers that the game of hide-and-seek is still going does he come up with a solution to finding Fly Guy.

Beginning readers will love I Spy Fly Guy! and all the books in the Fly Guy series. Familiar characters, simple text, and satisfying stories are found in them all, and Tedd Arnold’s second Geisel Honor is well deserved.

I wish I had a pet who could say my name.