Five O'Clock Friday

We're up to March in the look back at books I've read but might not have reviewed yet. (See more information here.) It was spring break month, so I enjoyed some extra reading time.

(And on an only slightly related tangent, why do I find reading even more enjoyable when I can look up and see palm trees? Do people in Florida find reading more enjoyable if they look up and see this? What about this? Actually, now that I think about it, if I was seeing those views one would mean it was summer and the other would probably mean a snow day. Either way I'd have more time to read. I guess they'd make reading more enjoyable to me as well.)

March:

• The Legend of the Golden Snail by Graeme Base - Amazing pictures and magical story. 
• The Lightning Thief (Graphic Novel) by Rick Riordan
• On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness by Andrew Peterson (reread) - One of my favorite series.
• Woods Runner by Gary Paulsen - An interesting combination between fiction and nonfiction. There's much here to learn and much to enjoy in this book about the American Revolution.
• Joey Pigza Loses Control by Jack Gantos (reread)
• North! Or Be Eaten! by Andrew Peterson (reread)
• Turtle in Paradise by Jennifer Holm (reread) - I had a great time visiting Key West and several places where Turtle is set. 
• Bless this Mouse by Lois Lowry
• Wildfire Run by Dee Garretson
• 3:15 Episode #1 by Patrick Carman
• The Fantastic Secret of Owen Jester by Barbara O’Connor

Coaching Kids - New Column Today

"You're killing me, Smalls!"

The official youth baseball season has ended and along with it ends my coaching stint for this year. Our team had our ups and downs, wins and losses, sunshine and rain, but there are some constants that remain true. Constants that are not in the rule books but hold true to coaching kids. Here's my latest newspaper column full of advice for grown-ups who coach kids. (Take it for what it's worth, and with a grain of salt, of course.)

Here's the original column on the newspaper's site.

Coaching baseball is more than creating a line-up, standing in the dugout, and offering the occasional word of encouragement or correction.

But coaching Little League baseball?

Sure, you got your line-ups, dugouts, and positive words, but working with kids brings a whole 'nother dimension.

The Little League coaching recipe starts with instruction. Add a handful of inspiration and a dash of imagination. Allow for imperfection and inattention. Use imitation as desired.

And hope it doesn’t end with indigestion.

The 2011 Edition of Official Baseball Rules is 130 pages and over 50,000 words. I checked at MLB.com. The Official Little League Rule Book comes in at a total of 125 pages.

Yet these are incomplete documents. Coaches flipping through these books can find their fill of instruction, but the remaining coaching ingredients are severely lacking within their pages.

So I’m offering an unofficial rule book addendum -- not rules necessarily -- but guidelines. It's information needed by grown-ups to successfully coach kids, all conveniently concentrated to 1 page and 500 words, and all available free. With my compliments.

Guideline #1: All equipment besides a player’s hat, glove, and cup is provided by the team and available in the dugout, yet batters will occasionally enter the on-deck circle without a helmet or bat.

Guideline #2: Players can lose their hat and glove in less than half an inning.

Guideline #3: Players never lose their cup. This is due to its proximity to other valuable possessions and the tendency for players to repeatedly demonstrate their cup’s effectiveness with their knuckles.

Guideline #4: The outfield is little more than a prairie. Prairies have grass, weeds, holes, crickets, moths, and the occasional squirrel. In this environment baseballs will drop from the sky unnoticed.

Guideline #5: Nobody understands the infield fly rule, and simple misdirection will help you avoid explaining it to an inquisitive youngster. Try replying “How many outs are there?” or “Have you seen your hat?”

Guideline #6: A squibber that travels halfway to first and barely stays fair can be more significant than a screaming line drive to the gap. It all depends on the player who hits it.

Guideline #7: Never be comfortable when your pitcher has an 0-2 count on the hitter. Balls are like parade candy -- readily available and freely given.

Guideline #8: Any player who hits a weak ground ball to shortstop, is safe at first and advances to second on an overthrow, takes third when the pitcher drops the ball, and races for home when the pitcher’s throw to third goes into the dugout, will claim to have hit a home run. Mark it accordingly in the score book.

Guideline #9: Support the concession stand. The money is needed for extra hats.

Guideline #10: Sunflower seeds are not only a cheek-filling, spit-inducing, baseball snack, but make great rapid-fire artillery to launch at unsuspecting teammates in the dugout. It’s best to just stay out of range.

Guideline #11: All’s well that ends well. As long as there’s ice cream. And everyone leaves with their hat.

Five O'Clock Friday

As the summer progresses, I'm letting readers know what I've read earlier in the year before I start a weekly "Other Stuff I Read That I Didn't Post (Yet) On the Website" feature. (Here's the January post.) And after looking at February's weak list (weak in quantity, that is), I'm wondering why I promised such a thing.

Nevertheless, here is the February update.

Penny Dreadful by Laurel Snyder

Kid vs. Squid by Greg van Eekhout
I Beat the Odds by Michael Oher
The Book Whisperer by Donalyn Miller - Highly recommended professional book.
Big Nate in a Class by Himself by Lincoln Peirce.

Quite an eclectic list. There's realistic fiction, fanciful fiction, nonfiction, a professional book, and a graphic novel. But I did notice that 4 of the 5 authors are on Twitter.

twitter.com/LaurelSnyder

twitter.com/gregvaneekhout

twitter.com/MichaelOher

twitter.com/donalynbooks

Looking at this list, maybe Mr. Peirce wishes he was on Twitter too.

The Fourth Stall by Chris Rylander

All the kids in school know, first graders through eighth graders, that if you need something or if you have a problem that needs solving, the only place to go is the boys bathroom in the East Wing. Wait your turn in line, then head to the fourth stall from the high window.

Mac’s office.

For a nominal fee or in exchange for a future favor, Mac will take care of it. Test answers, hall passes, doctor’s notes, video games your parents won’t let you play - you know, normal elementary school stuff - Mac and his business manager Vince can help.

But when Fred, a student no more than a third grader, enters the fourth stall, Mac and Vince know the times are changing. Fred requests protection from Staples. THE Staples. Thought to be only a legend, Staples is apparently real and so is his web of connections that infiltrates every school in the city. Staples has an intermural gambling ring that has entered Mac’s school, and Fred was one of the bookies. When Fred told Staples he wanted out, Staples said nobody quits. When Fred threatened to go to the principal, Staples said that would make him a rat, and rats get the worst punishments.

So Mac agrees to protect Fred and in doing so begins a war between underground school powers. Can Mac, with help from his school’s nine biggest bullies, rid his school of Staples illegal gambling ring and thereby protect his own business? Or will Staples squash Mac’s business and extend his control in Mac’s school?

Overall The Fourth Stall is a funny story inspired by The Godfather. “Hits” are ordered (although no one is killed). There’s plenty of hidden cash. Nicknames abound (Mac’s real name is Christian, plus there are characters named Kitten, Nubby, the Hutt, Great White, and Little Paul).There are also several subplots woven throughout the story. Who is the mole that has infiltrated Mac’s business? Can his best friend and business associate, Vince, be trusted? Can Mac keep his business and family life separate, especially after the attack on his house?

Author Chris Rylander also includes a look at poverty and how it affects students. This more serious side of the story explores the differences between the Haves and the Have-Nots and how family circumstances influence a child’s life and decisions. It’s not overblown, not preachy, but does play a role in the story and readers’ will need to take it into account in how they understand and appreciate the story.

So get yourself a copy of THE FOURTH STALL and read. I know you will. How do I know? Well...

Five O'Clock Friday - Other Books

I realized recently that I do a lot of reading that doesn't end up on the website. It wasn't so much as a realization since I already knew it, but for some reason, there it was. Books get read but don't get reviewed. People ask, "Did you read such and such? I looked on the website and didn't see it."

So I thought of an idea for Help Readers Love Reading to share other books I've read that haven't been reviewed, sort of an end of the week wrap-up. Since Friday is the end of the week, and since 5:00pm seems to be the unofficial transition from week to weekend, that seems like a good time to give a weekly update of notable books I've read that may or may not get reviewed. This isn't my official reading log, just a list of books I've read that are worth a mention, maybe a sentence or two, and possibly a future review.

Over the next few weeks I'm going to catch everyone up on the first half of the year, month by month. Then it will become a summary of each week's reading. At least that's the plan.

One last thing. It's important to note what is not listed. I do a lot of reading that isn't books, stuff like Sports Illustrated (weekly) and ESPN the Magazine (biweekly). There's also blog posts, newspapers, Twitter, and various time-wasting excursions into Wikipedia, my fantasy baseball/football leagues, and YouTube (daily). And all of them (okay, excluding that last one) are reading. Just because it doesn't fit neatly onto a reading log (date, title, author, genre) doesn't make it not reading. Remember that for your students and kids.

January:

• Spaceheadz Book #2 by Jon Scieszka - Love this series. Don't know why I haven't reviewed this one yet, but I did review Book #1.
• The Red Pyramid by Rick Riordan
• Ghostopolis by Doug TenNapel - Interesting graphic novel about traveling between the land of the living and the land of ghosts.
• The Ghostwriter Secret by Mac Barnett - Second in the great Brixton Brothers series.
• Scumble by Ingrid Law - Savvy is excellent, yet it took a while to finally read the follow up. I shouldn't have waited.
• We Are In a Book by Mo Willems
• Ling & Ting: Not Exactly the Same by Grace Lin
• Moon Over Manifest by Clare Vanderpool
• Turtle in Paradise by Jennifer Holm
• Heart of a Samurai by Margi Preuss
• Dark Emperor by Joyce Sidman
• One Crazy Summer by Rita Williams-Garcia

Trackers by Patrick Carman

Trackers is a story many middle grade readers will engage with immediately. At first readers’ interest may be more curious - There’s movies? Online? With the story? - but the story itself will quickly surpass the curiosity. Kids who have read Patrick Carman’s Skeleton Creek books will be familiar with the format, but Trackers is less spooky, more tech-y, with equal amounts of tension and anticipation.

Trackers is told in a conversation - an interrogation, really - between an apparent government official and Adam Henderson. Adam explains that he and his friends Finn, Emily, and Lewis are trackers in the same way as old-time mountain men who could track lost hikers in the forest. They just do it digitally.

What, exactly, Adam is being interrogated about is not immediately revealed. Adam takes control of the interrogation, offering his story at his own pace and in his own manner. He explains some things himself and lets video recordings explain others. Videos are given to the interrogator and readers by passwords included in the book at Trackers Interface. Eventually readers learn that billions of dollars are missing for banks around the world, and the Trackers are the main suspects.

How did a bunch of sixth graders get so technologically savvy? Adam’s father owns a computer store in Seattle. On Adam’s ninth birthday his father gave him the Vault, a backroom in the store and permission to use anything that gets left behind. Adam started to tinker, create, and learn. He was a technological prodigy: “Mozart with a mouse.” By fifth grade the vault had become a network of monitors, keyboards, and computers running complex software and hidden surveillance cameras, and helping Adam make tons of virtual money which he in turn used to purchase more complex equipment. In sixth grade Adam met Finn, Emily, and Lewis, and the rest is history.

Trackers is heavy on technology which will attract kids who spend a lot of time online but won’t scare away kids who don’t know an IP address from a PO box. Everything is explained sufficiently without sounding like a computer programmer’s textbook. Readers will be fascinated by how Adam and the Trackers use cameras and computers to monitor the world around them and interact with one another, and readers will become more interested when they realize that the Trackers could possibly be “out-tracked” by mysterious adversaries.

Once again readers become participants with another multimedia series from Patrick Carman. With Skeleton Creek it was videos recorded by main character Sarah and an online message board debating reality vs. fiction. The 3:15 iPhone/iPod app has readers listening to audio, reading text, and watching movies. Another book/app, Dark Eden, is scheduled for release this fall. The covers of the Trackers books say, “Read the book. Watch the Videos. Break the Codes.” Trackers includes video recordings of important events, given to readers one by one as Adam makes them available to the authorities. Readers can see additional videos, participate in online discussions, and complete missions to reveal even more information about the characters and gadgets at the Trackers Book Website.

Trackers is a great series for upper elementary and middle school students. Just make sure there’s a computer available to readers (although transcripts of each video are included in the book). The Trackers Interface site also has a mobile version, so students with iPods and wi-fi access can also view the movies.

Eleven Months to Mother's Day

Note: Not my lawn.

The run-up to Father's Day is nearly over. My latest column is all about how the dads of the world can enjoy their day ... and then begin planning for Mother's Day. Unless my proposal is accepted by the holiday authorities, whoever that may be.

Here's a link to the original column on the newspaper's website or you can just keep reading below.

Thanks for visiting and thanks for reading.

Father’s Day is still nearly a week out, but I’m sure I can say Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there anyway. Dads, your day will assuredly be filled with family appreciation, thoughtful gifts and uninterrupted time to do guy stuff.

Families show their Father’s Day appreciation for dad in any number of ways. Could be a favorite breakfast or fresh, dark coffee in a new mug. Maybe a hand-painted, poster-sized card with “We Love Dad!” decorating the living room.

Gifts are always thoughtful, and I’m convinced the legend of the gaudy tie for Father’s Day is a myth. I’ve never received a tie for Father’s Day. Never. We receive thoughtful gifts, each dependent upon the talents, joys, and hobbies of the individual dad. Fathers find tools or outdoor equipment or books or items with small engines that produce big noise, exhaust, and toothy grins.

Our families give us time to do guy stuff. If you feel the lawn needs mowing, slowly, you got it. If the lawn would benefit from your bare feet admiring its freshly cut blades up close, no problem.

This Father’s Day the Brewers are playing in Fenway Park. Fenway! Even if the family doesn’t understand the significance of Fenway Park, they’ll grant you three hours to bask in baseball in the shadow of the Green Monstah.

These things I know without doubt, and they hold true for only one reason: Moms are in charge.

If fathers were in charge of Father’s Day, it would probably look a lot like, well, Mother’s Day.

Fathers forget. Mother’s Day sneaks up on us every year just like anniversaries, Christmas, and kids in cotton socks. Yes, these things happen with startling regularity, but dang it all if ain’t the second Saturday in May and the best idea I’ve got is a new coffee pot.

It’s embarrassing.

That’s why I’m proposing a holiday exchange. A Sunday swap. A Mother’s Day / Father’s Day flip-flop.

This way dads would get their day in May and with it a one month countdown to Mother’s Day. You like your day in the yard, Dad? You like that breakfast omelet with cheese, ham, sausage, and bacon with Tabasco sauce on the side? Let it be a reminder: You got one month to Mother’s Day.

I understand, dads, that this proposal comes with added pressure, and I know there’s potential for many of us to crumble under its weight. But truly there’s nothing like a great Father’s Day to remind us of the one thing that makes Father’s Day so spectacular. Mothers.

I’m not sure who to petition - Hallmark maybe? - but right now it’s important to get the word out and let the momentum build. Let Father’s Day fall in May, and let it begin the 30-day countdown to Mother’s Day.

The switch not only provides fathers sufficient notification, but also contains the potential for perfect symmetry. Consider, if any dad forgets Mother’s Day now, Father’s Day will have a May Day just before -- and a “Mayday!” shortly after.

So let’s make it happen, dads! Until then, consider this your eleven-month warning.

The Monster in the Hollows by Andrew Peterson

I tend to like series books, much like many young readers. A new book in a favorite series is like a blanky fresh out of the drier: it’s still comfortable and familiar but there’s a new warmth and freshness inviting you to snuggle on the couch.

But I don’t generally reread the previous books before curling up with the latest title. The Kane Chronicles, The 39 Clues, the Penderwicks, Alex Rider, Diary of a Wimpy Kid - I love them all, but I didn’t reread them to prepare for the next installment.

There are exceptions, however, and the exceptions are exceptional. The Hunger Games is the most recent. Harry Potter before that. The Giver and Gathering Blue before the release of Messenger.

And now The Wingfeather Saga.

Readers met Janner, Tink, and Leeli Igiby in On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness. Their adventures both fighting and fleeing the Fang minions of Gnag the Nameless continued in North! Or Be Eaten! Now comes The Monster in the Hollows. The Igiby children and their grandfather, Podo, are headed with their mother to her homeland. The Green Hollows is where Nia grew up, and just off the coast is the Shining Isle of Anniera, the ancient kingdom still smoldering nine years after its destruction.

In the Green Hollows the Igiby children find the closest thing to a home since leaving their cottage in Glipwood. There’s a home, a school, classmates, and neighbors. And peace … sort of. While the Igibys are no longer running for their lives, they still can’t find peace. There are suspicious looks from curious Hollish people, difficult lessons learned in school and life, and the mysterious cloven - beasts of the forest - boldly entering the towns of the Green Hollows in ways they never have before.

But what is the monster in the Hollows? The possibilities grow in number along with the pages. Is the monster one of the new residents of the Green Hollows, the Igibys? Is it the cloven leaving the safety of the forest to seemingly terrorize the Hollish folk? Is the monster unseen, like jealousy or greed or hatred or fear? One could make an argument for all of them, but it’s the unexpected monsters that leave readers waiting (im)patiently for the final installment, The Warden and the Wolf King.

I know I’m placing The Wingfeather Saga in rarefied air, and I know many will question my judgement. How can someone put Andrew Peterson’s books in the same company as Hollywood buzz and celebrity casting (The Hunger Games), bajillion copy sellers (Harry Potter), and Newbery Medals and the canonical works of children’s literature (The Giver)?

It’s a fair question. But even though Mr. Peterson is a relative unknown in the world of children’s literature, he has pulled me into Aerwiar just like I was pulled into Panem, Hogwarts, and Jonas’s Utopian society. And that’s sayin’ something.

Movies, sales figures, and awards aren’t hugely important to readers. It’s the books that stay fresh in your mind long after you’ve finished reading that truly make a difference, and The Monster in the Hollows and the entire Wingfeather Saga have a lasting impact indeed.

And I can't wait to reread them again.

Scars and the Poking Out of Eyes

Image from the GeekDad blog
at Wired.com. This is not Kyle.

My latest newspaper column applies to half the population. Well honestly, I guess it applies to everyone since half the population gets themselves into these situations and the other half has to deal with it. Thanks for stopping by the site, and I hope you enjoy the article.

One morning recently a first grader approached me, proud as a peacock and strutting his new feathers. Stitches, right on the bridge of his nose, there for all the world - and his own crossed eyes - to see.

Seems Kyle and his siblings were playing an age old game, nameless to the best of my knowledge, that involves throwing stuff up in the air and watching it fall. His sister threw a baseball bat-sized stick in the air, and they all watched it hit a home run on the downswing, right between Kyle’s eyes. A first-ever, first-grader, four-bagger.

Kyle’s fine. Ask him, he’ll tell you. And it’s cool, he’ll say, cause the nurse told him chicks dig scars.

But just imagine. One inch right or left and suddenly he’s Captain Kyle, Curse of the Classroom, Scourge of Scholars, and he’s being fitted for an eye patch.

Quick. Name a boy, old or young, with a noticeable scar and a story to match Kyle’s. Easy, right?

Now name a boy or a man who’s actually lost an eye.

Okay, I know these men are out there. Accidents do happen. But I’ve never met a one-eyed man who said, “Yeh see this here eye? Do yeh? Lost it in ‘77, barely off me mother’s milk, I was. All I’ll say is this: the next time someone tells yeh Tiddlywinks ain’t dangerous, don’t yeh dare believe ‘em.”

Ralphie’s mother in A Christmas Story wasn’t the only mom to say, “You’ll shoot your eye out!” (Or “poke your eye out” or “put your eye out.” Same thing.) But truth be told, none of us ever did.

Remember Chicago Bears quarterback Jim McMahon? Remember the ‘85 Bears, the Super Bowl Shuffle, the attitude? Remember the sunglasses? Turns out the sunglasses weren’t just his attitude on display. McMahon’s right eye was extremely sensitive to light.

See, when he was six he tried to undo a knot in a toy gun holster he was wearing. With a fork. Get that image clear in your mind’s eye and you don’t need to hear the rest of the story to know what happened.

The fork slipped, entered his eye, and severed the retina.

Even boys who actually do poke themselves in the eye can’t manage to poke the eye out. It’s like half the population is creative (or stupid) enough to get themselves into these eye-popping situations yet not talented enough to close the deal.

Scars are to boys like words are to the blank page. Neither starts out marked, but both are incomplete without the unique stories etched upon them by their owners.

When I was kid I stood on a chair to reach something on the top shelf of a closet. Instead of removing the items weighing it down, I tugged and pulled. My hands slipped and back I went until my head hit the corner of the coffee table. Blood? Yep. Scar? You bet. Dumb?

Obviously.

And good thing. Had I thought about what was happening, I may have turned to see where my head was headed.

Probably would have lost an eye.

Silly Lilly by Agnes Rosenstiehl

Silly Lilly is back with her second Toon Book, Silly Lilly in What Will I Be Today?. This time Lilly takes readers through the days of the week as she tells all the things she can be each day. After all, “Every day is a new day to play!”

“So, on Monday Silly Lilly is a cook.” Lilly makes soup and comments on how her fingers change color as she adds beets, carrots, and spinach. As all those colors go from her fingers to her face to her white apron, Lilly realizes, “Now I can be an artist!”

On Tuesday Silly Lilly take a shot at being a city planner. She moves cement blocks and discovers bugs. The blocks become bug houses, and several houses together become a bug city.

On Wednesday she’s a singer, but her backup band (Teddy and a doll) are not very cooperative. The rest of the week is filled with athletics (as an acrobat), terror (as a vampire), and education (as a teacher).

What four- or five-year-old hasn’t imagined themselves as a cook or singer or vampire or teacher? As Lilly says right on the book’s cover, “I can be anything!” and readers will immediately agree.

Agnes Rosenstiehl introduced Silly Lilly to readers in Silly Lilly and the Four Seasons. In her first book Lilly shares activities she enjoys in all the seasons, starting with a trip to the park in spring. “There is so much to do at the park,” Lilly says. She likes to dance and jump … and nap. Her lovable Teddy, however, just sits. In summer Lilly discovers a shell at the beach. Fall includes apples of all colors, and winter includes snowballs and a messy game of snowball catch with Teddy. Then it’s spring again, and Lilly, probably back at the park, plays on the swing.

Both books feature only one or two frames per page. The frames in each story are numbered, and pages are numbered too. Lilly’s silly activities are the same as most emergent readers. If you reader fits nicely on a grown-up’s lap, he or she will relate to all of Lilly’s imaginary careers as well as playing in the park, the beach, and the snow. Silly Lilly, whether she’s enjoying the four seasons or the days of the week, is an excellent introduction to comics for emergent readers filled with simple text and engaging, age-appropriate activities.

Patrick in a Teddy Bear's Picnic and Other Stories by Geoffrey Hayes

Geoffrey Hayes, 2010 Geisel Award winner for Benny and Penny in the Big No-No!, is back with a new Toon Book featuring Patrick, a new character that beginning readers will love. But while the book and the characters might be new, the enjoyment that Hayes and Toon Books brings to young readers is exactly the same.

The first story, A Teddy Bear’s Picnic, features Patrick enjoying a picnic in the park and his mother trying to keep up with him. Birds get chased, balloons get popped, boats get sailed, and bugs get away.  Even rain can’t spoil Patrick’s fun. He finds puddles and wet clothes, and Ma finds a way to make their picnic happen despite the rain.

In the second story, Patrick and Big Bear, Patrick meets the local bully who popped his red balloon on the picnic. Patrick is sent to the store for cookies, but Big Bear threatens to take away his dollar. Thanks to some simple advice from Ma, however, Patrick stands up to Big Bear. In the end when Ma asks, “So, did you run into Big Bear?” Patrick responds, “No! He ran into ME!”

After both of Patrick’s adventures, Ma says he needs a nap. Picnics and cookie-runs can wear a boy out!  These two nap stories, each only a page or two long, express the feelings of every child still stuck with nap time. Nap! Why?

Young readers will need to use all their story reading skills to find success. While the text is not overly difficult (Level 2 or Grades 1-2 according to Toon Books’ three-leveled scale for their books), Patrick’s actions move quickly, forcing readers to frequently make inferences between frames. Readers need to look closely within each frame as well. Patrick’s personality is on display, not in what he says, but in his facial expressions, his puddle jumps, and his speedy movements.

The book also offers parents and teachers advice on reading comics with kids. Several tips are included like using a finger to follow the action, how to make the story come alive with sound effects and role sharing, asking questions, and watching the action in the panels.

But in the end it’s not advice for grown-ups or Toon Books’ leveled system or their numerous online resources that make Patrick in A Teddy Bear’s Picnic a great addition for beginning readers. It’s the engaging characters and fun stories that will bring readers back for reread after reread.

Travel Lessons for Kids

My new column appeared in the newspaper this past Monday, but for some reason it failed to appear on the newspaper's website.  So here it is.  For those of you who recently enjoyed, are currently enjoying, or will soon enjoy Spring Break, here are a few travel lessons.  Use them as a useful reminder or as preparation for an upcoming trip.  Either way, thanks for reading.

For my children (eager travelers both) and for junior journeyers everywhere, here is a quick review of lessons learned during spring break.

Many people travel. Most are not on vacation. Businessmen, retirees, and other parents may not appreciate your physical and/or vocal efforts to prevent siblings from reaching the next suitcase out of the tunnel at baggage claim before you.

Parents occasionally face unexpected hassles on vacation, at the rental car counter for instance. After selecting the rental car recommended online for your traveling party, plus luggage, the agent might ask your parents, “Is it just the two of you?” and “How many bags do you have?” As your parents try to decide if they are being taken for a ride before actually renting the vehicle, please refrain from using the suitcases in an improvised demolition derby. This will not aid their decision.

Once you are properly loaded into the recently upgraded rental, loud music, while enjoyable, does not help parents navigate unfamiliar highways. This is especially true on interstate highways five lanes wide.

When checking into a hotel, parents must answer certain questions immediately. “Where’s the pool?” is not one of these questions.

Yes, everyone needs to use the restroom, even when traveling. And yes, most gas stations have restrooms. But no, we’re not stopping at that one even if your teeth are singing “Anchors Aweigh.”

Sticker price is a myth. This is particularly true when you are a tourist. Here are some fees frequently added to tourists’ bills: state sales tax, local sales tax, excise tax, segment fee, facility charge, security fee, bed tax, occupancy tax, room tax, service fee, and gratuity. This is the reason why Mom needed to loan you $18.63 even though you had saved exactly enough money.

And I’m sorry, but I only know what three of those fees are.

Even though Grandpa slipped you some cash and told you to get yourself something nice, stopping at the video game resale shop does not count as a souvenir nor is it what Papa intended.

Just because a restaurant claims to have the “Best Fish in Florida” or “Award-Winning Pie” doesn’t necessarily make it so, nor does it make the restaurant any cleaner in your mother’s eyes.

Repacking for home is not as simple as “stuffin’ it in” as you say. It takes a cooperative and concerted effort by both parents to fit everything the family initially brought plus the extras picked up along the way. Unless you want your beach sand and seashells to stay behind, keep quiet, keep out of way, and turn down the hotel TV.

Meals on travel days do not fit traditional meal schedules. If food is not available when you are hungry, whining, crying, and/or blaming your parents won’t make it magically appear. At the same time, when food is available, eat. Saying you aren’t hungry or dismissing a cheeseburger because it’s not “breakfast food” are not legitimate reasons to fast.

Finally, yes, everybody’s ears do that on a plane, but don’t ask repeatedly, “Hello? Hello? Hello?” to test your hearing. People seated nearby can still hear you.

And I hope you’re hearing me.