Battle Bunny by Jon Scieszka and Mac Barnett

There are horrible children’s books. 

Seriously.

These books are sickly sweet and predictable, sometimes with happy (sappy?) lessons spelled out for readers too dense (no we're not!) to figure them out themselves. These tales often include fuzzy woodland creatures like Birthday Bunny who wakes up on his special day worried that all his woodland friends - Crow, Badger, Squirrel, Bear, and Turtle - have forgotten his special day. These tales might include crying, a Special Thinking Place, and overuse of the word special. (Exhibit A, left)

There’s only one man who can fix a story like this: Alex.

Of course you did Alex. And what a masterpiece you have created. But you have to admit, authors Jon Scieszka and Mac Barnett and illustrator Matthew Myers helped some, didn’t they?

Okay, okay. I won’t push the issue. This doesn’t need to come down to you vs. me.

Now, really. Name calling, Alex? Don’t you think if it really came down to a competition between the two of us it should be determined by wits or skill or strength? Not name calling. What do you think?

I can see this is getting nowhere. Can I just finish this book review?

Well, while you’re thinking, Alex, let me share some great things about your book.

Birthday Bunny was given to Alex by his Gran Gran on his special day. But Alex, being bored with sweet woodland creatures who cry in their Secret Thinking Place, takes matters into his own hands and creates:

But it’s not just the cover. The entire story changes, both the text and pictures. Hopping becomes chopping, carrot juice becomes brain juice, and a tediously dull story about Birthday Bunny’s friends forgetting his special day becomes Battle Bunny’s evil plot to take over the world. Not only that, but Alex himself becomes the story's hero, penciled in by the man himself. Way to go, Alex.

Way much cooler.

Alex’s use of eraser, pencil, and imagination is a tactic that should be replicated by kids around the world. As a teacher, I look forward to having kids duplicate the activity with $5.00 worth of books from the second-hand shop. You can even print a copy of the original Birthday Bunny at mybirthdaybunny.com and make your own version.

Of course teachers can come up with all sorts of creative ways to use Alex’s story, but don’t let classroom use get in the way of the pure enjoyment of Battle Bunny. Let kids read it. Let kids laugh. Let them be kids.

And then keep a close eye on your own books from Gran Gran. Some creative kid might get ahold of it and make it … better.

Guys Read: Thriller edited by Jon Scieszka

Jon Scieszka, children’s book author and the nation’s first National Ambassador for Young People’s Literature, founded Guys Read to “to motivate boys to read by connecting them with materials they will want to read, in ways they like to read.” The Guys Read mission lists six points, the first of which is “Make some noise for boys.”

Despite the fact that boys tend to need no help making noise, I wholeheartedly concur.

Guys Read: Thriller is the second volume of the Guys Read Library, following the excellent Guys Read: Funny Business. These books (sports and nonfiction are upcoming subjects) are compilations of short stories from a variety of authors who all share one common trait: Boys read what these authors write.

Scieszka writes in the introduction to Thriller,

“Why is that shady-looking character lurking in the dark alley? What’s he doing with that crowbar? Is that something in his other hand? What is he doing? What has he done?  

That is the mystery.”

Guys Read: Thriller is full of the mysterious. There are ghosts and haunted houses. There are wishes that come true and a bumbling detective. There are pukwudgies, pirates, a missing copperhead snake, and a body on the train tracks. In other words, there’s everything a guy might want in a thrilling book.

At the end of the introduction, Scieszka leaves readers with these words. “What happens next? You read to find out. And don’t look now, but the guy in the alley is turning your way.”

It’s good advice. Get the book. Get reading. And move quickly, before the guy in the alley sees you.

The first book in the Guys Read Library had a great video introduction featuring all of the book’s authors. No such luck this time, but I did find this little gem on YouTube. Enjoy!

Funny Business edited by Jon Scieszka

In the introduction to Funny Business, the first genre-specific volume from the Guys Read Library, Jon Scieszka quotes E. B. White.  “Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process.”  So I’m not going to try to explain why this book is funny.  Funny is funny.  Trust me.

Ladies, I’m taking to you here.  It’s from the Guys Read Library.  Guys.  Read.  We don’t expect you to get it.  Yes, some of you will claim you get it, and some of you may indeed, but many of you will simply realize that the boys in your classrooms and homes get it.  And that should be enough.

You’ll nod and smile, but do you really understand the hilarity in a dropped hot dog (Best of Friends by Mac Barnett) or shrinkage (Will by Adam Rex)?  Do any of you actually eat raw hot dogs, let alone make fake nipples out of them (What? You Think You Got It Rough? by Christopher Paul Curtis)?  Ever perform self-surgery on a wart (The Bloody Souvenir by Jack Gantos)?

Do any of you think the black and white alternate cover from Adam Rex is funnier than the final cover?

Well that gives you a taste, anyway, of what’s in the book.  And it’s funny.  Ten short stories from the authors above as well as Eoin Colfer, Jeff Kinney, Kate DiCamillo, David Yoo, David Lubar, and Paul Feig, all meant to tickle a guy’s funny bone, and all successfully jamming that funny bone squarely into arm-numbing merriment.

How about we let the authors themselves give a short introduction?

Spaceheadz Book One by Jon Scieszka

When you’re the new kid in fifth grade, the last thing you want is to draw any negative sort of attention on the first day of school. So when new kid Michael K. is befriended by Spaceheadz from another planet masquerading as fifth graders on day one, his prospects ain’t good. Now consider that Bob and Jennifer, two of the disguised Spaceheadz, have learned everything they know about Earth from monitoring our TV and radio waves – and behave accordingly – and you start to recognize the direness of Michael K.’s situation.

And one more thing: The third Spaceheadz is the class hamster, Major Fluffy.

Yeah, Micheal K.’s fifth grade year is off to a memorable (forgettable?) start.

Eventually Michael K. learns that SPHDZ, despite their odd appearance and propensity to quote American TV commercials, are actually on a mission to save Earth. They may be somewhat misguided, but they are well intentioned. Part of their plan is to give Charmin to Earth persons to make them happy and want to be SPHDZ. After all, “It is ultrastrong. And it also makes bears very happy.” It’s the sort of logic you’d expect from beings who’ve learned all they know about Earth from our TV and advertisements.

“It doesn’t have anything to do with bears,” explains Michael K. “It’s toilet paper, you know?”

Ultimately, their plan involves recruiting 3.14 million and one Earth persons to create one gigantic SPHDZ Brain Wave or Earth gets turned off. Click.

Working against SPHDZ, and all alien activity, is Agent Umber and the Anti-Alien Agency. Constantly on the lookout for aliens, Agent Umber is alerted to a possible AEW (Alien Energy Wave) in his sector at coordinates D-7, which just happens to be room 501B, Brooklyn P.S. 858. Mrs. Halley’s fifth grade. Agent Umber sees his opportunity to catch a real alien, earn a promotion, and save the Earth.

I tell you about this book not because I recommend it, although I do. I do so because it is my pledged duty to BE A SPHDZ, and odd things happen when you are SPHDZ. I have promised to grow the SPHDZ network and to add my brainwaves to the 3.14 million SPHDZ G Group Brainwave needed to save the planet Earth.  I share this book with you because:

I am Automatic Shampoo-SPHDZ.BW.

Do the same. Read Jon Scieszka's Spaceheadz Book One. BE SPHDZ.

Robot Zot! by Jon Scieszka

Robot Zot is a Wham Bot! A Bam Bot! Robot Zot is unstoppable, and he's about to conquer the blue planet out his ship's porthole. Earth. He crashes his ship in the midst of the fierce Earth Army and howls his battle cry: “Robot Zot – never fall. Robot Zot – conquer all!” Leaving behind the safety of his ship, Robot Zot bravely races into …

… a kitchen.

Yes, a kitchen. With a black-and-white checkered linoleum floor, various appliances, and beautiful yellow cabinets.

Undaunted, he quickly begins his domination Earth. Robot Zot may be only 6 inches tall, but he’s a Wham Bot! A Bam Bot! And his blaster gun is certainly real. Blender? Blended. Egg beater? Beaten. Stainless steel toaster? Also falls at the hands of the great Robot Zot.

“Zot scans the battlefield. He is glorious. He stands victorious.”

Robot Zot continues his world domination with a fiery destruction of a box-shaped foe that issues challenges and insults. “Is your breath not smelling as fresh as you would like? Maybe you should try lemonmintpinefresh!” Ka-boom!

Readers will enjoy Robot Zot’s destruction of various household items, and just as they are expecting more explosions and victories on each page, a new challenge arises. Robot Zot meets the Queen of all Earth and falls quickly and deeply in love. When she’s kidnapped, his mission immediately changes from world domination to rescuing his new love.

Jon Scieszka’s sense of humor is … uh … not typical of children’s literature. Seriously, a robot bent on conquering an entire planet who destroys a blender and falls in love with the next generation of this? No, it’s not typical for children’s literature. It’s better. David Shannon’s illustrations show the diminutive Robot Zot as the force he truly is. He leaps off the page, gun blazing, eyes scowling, ready for battle. Ready for victory.

Be prepared for little robots to chant their way through the house or classroom, issuing challenges, and referring to themselves in third person. “Brian Bot – never fall! Brian Bot – conquer all!” One reading will lead to more, and reader bots will be hoping for more adventures featuring Robot Zot!

Knucklehead by Jon Scieszka

My initial thought after reading Knucklehead by Jon Scieszka was that it might be in my best interests to not share it with students. After all, the book could be taken as a how-to manual for wayward boys. Readers would learn how to sell their brother a shirt that already belongs to him, how to trick younger brothers into doing the less desirable household chores, how to make money by charging friends to watch the little brother eat gross non-food items, and just how much pressure it takes to break a clavicle.

And that’s just the family lessons. Readers also learn the finer art of playing war with dirt clods at construction sites. There are chapters about burning things, exploring storm sewers, swearing, puking, and what not to do when the teacher says, “What’s so funny?” There's also a chapter about sword fighting. (Men, you know what I’m talking about. Ladies, read the book. I’m not explaining it here.)

Then I realized that I already knew all this stuff, with a few exceptions, me being an only child. I didn’t read the book when I was a kid, yet somehow I did many of the exact same things as Mr. Scieszka. Which ones, specifically, will remain unnamed, however the truth is the truth: I lived many of the same experiences. Jon Scieszka wrote the book, for crying out loud. He didn’t learn from it!

It was an Hallelujah Chorus moment! I can give this book to any student. The boys already know all of it, and the girls won’t (or can’t…see sword fighting) try any of it. Every boy I know could take at least one of the chapters, change the names and places only, and make it their own personal narrative.

My wife and daughter stared at me every time I laughed out loud. When I shared what was so funny, they both just shook their heads and mumbled something like, “You boys. You‘re such…boys.”

You bet we are! We revel in it. We glory in it. And this book documents it.

Short chapters, mostly hilarious, and all boy friendly will make this book one that doesn’t stay on the shelf for long. Jon Scieszka (or Mr. Ambassador, which he may prefer, as he‘s been named the first National Ambassador for Young People‘s Literature by the Library of Congress) has a classic on his hands, and now your kids can have this classic in their hands too.

Guys Write for Guys Read edited by Jon Scieszka

Guys Write for Guys Read is a collection of 92 stories, memories, illustrations, comics, excerpts, one report card, and a forward by Jon Scieszka, all about being guys. It's a collection of who's who in children's literature. It's guys writing to guys about guys. Boys will be boys, right? Here's the proof.

Some (most?) of the greatest men in children's literature are included. Some have included excerpts, like the introduction from Gary Paulsen's How Angel Peterson Got His Name about whizzing on an electric fence. Some wrote specifically for the book, like Anthony Horowitz's story "My French Teacher Tried to Kill Me" or Gordon Korman's commentary, "Guy Things," about how great old Looney Toons cartoons are (especially the ones with oversized wooden mallets) and how NOT great a hockey uniform is if you're known as the Pretty Polly Paint and Wallpaper Falcons.

Each 1-4 page entry is followed by a short author biography and selected bibliography. If a reader finds something he enjoys, there's a handy list of where to go next.

Many guy illustrators are included too. There's the original version of No David by David Shannon, drawn when he was five. Mo Willems writes a comic strip called Aw, Nuts! about his childhood (and adult) desire to take over Peanuts for Charles Shultz. Also included are Matt Groening (creator of The Simpsons), Chris Van Allsburg (author of Jumanji), Brett Helquist (illustrator of the Series of Unfortunate Events and Chasing Vermeer), and others.

And yes there is one report card, a sixth grade report card for Rick Telander, who received an E- in conduct from Miss Johnson. (An E is just an F with an extra leg. Either way it ain't good.) His teacher wrote "I hope I am not too much of an 'old crab' to appreciate Rick's brand of humor. Maybe I too should stoop so low. That will be the day."

There are plenty of Miss Johnsons out there who won't appreciate this book's brand of humor. Hopefully they are smart enough to realize they have a class full of kids who will.